just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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