I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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