it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
porn star boner night. come get it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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