As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
