Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
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the only muscles i have these days is kegels
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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