we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We have started to decorate penises.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
