I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
