it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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