So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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