I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
