Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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