Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
