I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So apparently I’m into choking now
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