we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
