mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
love makes seman taste better
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
