Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
