he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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