just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
