once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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