the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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