They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
