A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
