How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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