I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
