OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
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