Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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