a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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