i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
