today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
