I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
