so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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