just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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