Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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