theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
