my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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