I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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