hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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