Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize