Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You're breaking my sexual little heart
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
