Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Im part way to drunk.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
