I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
