the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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