turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
