dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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