I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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