dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
