I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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