i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
ttyl tear gas
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
