he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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