I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dignity is for republicans.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
