he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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