why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
