So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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