OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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