Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
