tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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