from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
