How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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