If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
