if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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