No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
