When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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