he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
