Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
