Im at strip club and am horny
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
