So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
