I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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