he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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