i permit you to call me
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I AM VODKA MAN
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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