Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
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There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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