You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
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