My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
