who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
