You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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