True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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