she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
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My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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