Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
