Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
