if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
