seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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